Are you walking yet?

"Are you walking yet?" I hear this question over and over from friends and family. It's a hard question to respond to. Part of me wants to let people know I'm doing just fine and say a quick answer but the reality of my recovery is that it's a slow and steady process- I'm fully aware that I am in this for the long haul but it's imperative that I stay strong and focused no matter how long. I think part of the misconception of my injury is that technically I broke my ankle but as I have to gotten to know very well that the ankle is made out of many parts, the tibia(inside the foot), the fibula (along the calf). the talus (the heal) and a number of other bones that are critical to the working function as we human beings typically know as our traditional ankle. Well I not just broke my fibula but it shattered and split in two during the accident. This action separated the foot partially from my leg, I felt like Raggedy Ann!  I broke my calf bone so essentially I broke my leg - this might make it easier for others to understand my recovery process. I had three different casts and one major surgery and a minor one coming up to remove one large screw. Nine screws and a rod along my calf bone will remain as forever jewels. So although I broke my ankle, it doesn't mean walking will come easily for me as someone who would have had a minor hairline fracture and no surgery as many experience and that people are commonly aware of.  Most of those people recover in two months, I wish that was me!! I am now completing five months of recovery! I will get there though as I am determined!

So to answer the question of "Are you walking yet"? Well, I am happy to say, I am successfully managing without my wheelchair now, graduated from two to one crutch and for the majority of time, I am limping without crutches. I am pushing myself through the pain. It's like a catch 22, the more I attempt to walk, the more swollen my leg and foot get, so my days will be rotational spent resting and taking steps, everything in moderation. I am doing short intervals of walking on my own in public which brings new challenges as many will either rampage me without realizing I am disabled, others will be overly kind and some beautiful compassionate people will ask me "What the hell happened to you?!". Some even look like they are going to cry when the hear my story. I truly have become to appreciate the hearts of humans thru this time. I mean, I knew I was fairly important person in this universe, to my God, to my husband, family and friends but to the average stranger on the street? It has been an eye opening experience to say the least how loving, how deeply empathetic people can be. It really gives me strength to go on, to get thru everyday....as a runner shouted outloud to me along the walking trail "YOU GO GIRL....you will get there!!".

So "Am I really walking yet?"....I am walking my malki walki way (as I can call it!), with a smile limping awkwardly, right foot to a slight angle and absolutely no heels just ugly wugly flats. But this morning, I turned on my reggae tunes full blast and got my dancehall on, I told Gary that this is called the "broken ankle ragga muffin" dance. It looks funny, but I'm smiling and when it comes to dancing, people are ever so forgiving right? Unlike walking!!!!

Today My Garden was Growing....

This morning my husband opened the front door and I peeked out and caught a quick glimpse of my front garden. I noticed my Hostas were coming in and so were my Yellow Day Lillies! It was only a tiny peek but it made my face glow in a big way! You see, this front garden was my labour of love when I first moved into my home eight years ago. I originally had a tiny builder's garden with a few evergreens which was nothing to really look at especially during the early construction days . One day, I gave a shovel to Gary and marked with spray paint the garden shape I had in my head and told him to dig out all the grass. I never knew until years later that he had quietly decided in his mind while digging out our small lawn against a black spray paint curvy line, that his wife had completely gone mad. He didn't know what I had in mind. But I knew. You see, I had the vision. A vision of a beautiful garden full of colourful lush tropical blooms. Amongst those blooms, I would place a bird house to attract hummingbirds so I could have the honour of seeing them in stationary flight with fluttering wings, which is such a sight to see. I had a vision that I would sit on my patio sipping tea on a hot balmy breezy day and could hear the birds chirping and could see the blooms blooming. I could see it. Today, eight years later, my garden has flourished and has a life on it's own. A life that I could say proudly that I had some part in giving birth to. Now my garden is somewhat of a metaphor for me. You see, I have a vision. After the accident, I was like the builder's garden, not much life and really not much to look at least in my eyes. But I thought of that one day that I would have my life back and that I would be walking again. In a sense I have gone thru many seasons. My time is coming to bloom again and I will see wonderful things transpire. My faith has been restored. I still saw beauty in the garden that was to be so I knew that although this time was not too pretty, that there will be in time, good things that will come out of it.

As far as my walking progress, I am between wheelchair and crutches now. I am able to stand stationary for little bits at a time and then crutch with a limp. My physio is getting more strenuous as Doctor is trying to break the scar tissue on the right foot which is preventing my foot from standing at a full right angle. I'll get there though. I should graduate to one crutch but that will come in time. Slow and steady, slow and steady. As for today, I am happy. Another day has come as I look forward to working out my leg more, crutching like the hunchback of Notre Dame, enjoying some tea and cookies and catching up on my favorite TV shows which involves a of plethora of decor and reno shows currently!

You see, my vision is there, without it, I have no hope. The beauty was always there, I just had to dig deep.

One small step for me, one giant leap for my life...

Well my surgeon follow up appt was yesterday. He took one look at the xray and he said, "You're Ready". I was surprized. I thought I was ready for partial weight bearing but he said with the utmost confidence that I was ready for full weight bearing. I noticed that the crack in my fibula was still appearing on my xray and inquired about it. He said that my bone will not heal for a year and a half. I knew right there and then that this road ahead would be long (I kind of always known about that)but I kind of prepared myself before to hear the best and worst. I know I will be walking soon but there is another surgery on the horizon to remove a large screw that appears now to be not welcome in my foot as its pushing it out, ouch. I inquired about the other hardware that seems to be residing and making it very homey in my foot but the surgeon said that those screws and plates are in my foot for life. Oh well, welcome plates and screws to my life.                                                               Anyway, this road may be long but I am going to now walk it rather than wheel it now. I was telling my friend the other day how I just take one day at a time now as I know I at least have that. No longer do I spend too much time worrying about tomorrow, as I realize now that tomorrow may never come. Three months ago, five minutes in my life altered the path of my life forever. It made me realize that we spend way too much time worrying, wondering, mulling over things that we really take for granted or can't control and that is  because we assume the time is on our side. Of course I's human and imperfect so that worry monster might creep into the walls of my brain now and then but I have a clear perspective of where that falls into my life now since the accident. So take time today to realize you have 24hrs ahead hopefully and live it and love it! Say something nice to someone that you don't know or don't like, hug someone, pay it forward, give your time to someonelse or somethingelse who may need your precious time, meditate and pray, give thanks, let go of that anger or grudge, turn that energy into positive vibes. Trust me, you will end your day much more rewardingly.                 So today I take my very first step and I'm sure it will hurt but it will be one pain that I will shut up and bear up with! I don't know where this path will lead me but I know today I woke up with the sun shining in my bedroom and that my foot will touch the ground and for that I will be jumping up for joy.

Three Weeks to Go.....

It's been a while since I've blogged but I'm back at it again. My cast was removed two weeks ago. It was kind of a good news bad news thing. I went to the hospital and they asked if I was ready to remove my cast. I was so excited thinking that I will be able to weight bear but then the surgeon quickly killed my enthusiasm by saying that I have to stay off my leg for another six weeks! Six weeks? I was devastated, that was the amount of time that I had been sitting on my couch since the accident! To have to be home and sit again was certainly not an option I was considering enroute to my appointment. Well, my husband said, always looking on the positive side, "you are getting your cast off!!!". I guess I have to shift my paradigm slightly I thought. When you are going thru a difficult time, it's very hard to find your inner strength to see the glass half full but I think that is exactly why God planted loving friends and family in your life, to remind you! So back at home now and started my in home physiotherapy. My Doctor that comes on is extremely supportive and said that my range of my motion with my foot is improving each time he sees me. Understand that the only movement I can do at this time is flexing my foot ever so gently back and forth. Range of motion indicates the degree of which I can do that. A slight degree more often gets my Doctor very happy so I live off his enthusiasm right now! I am unable to do side movements and circles but it will come down the road. My foot feels like it's encased in a metal shoe as its still extremely swollen. My surgeon says that the swelling will go down in six months---SIX MONTHS??? Oh my. Okay, what's the positive swing to this??? Gradual healing is good?? I think I'm digging here for answers. Feel free to chime in. In six months, I also have another surgery on my foot to remove the larger screw. The surgeon wants to do that as he said I won't need it and would be more comfortable....hmmm I would think so, nothing like a large screw going across one side of your ankle to the other to make your trail walks pleasant on a warm summer day! Oh well, humour is good right? Am I on the right track? So here I am, counting down, three weeks to go to see my surgeon again for more xrays and his blessing hopefully that I can put my beautiful right foot on the ground again, ever so slightly, to start a new journey back to a living walking human bean!! I will try to blog more often, I welcome comments from others who have experienced similar fractures or fractures in general. Your support is appreciated. I look forward to also hearing from my friends and family. I realize that I am not in this alone, I couldn't have lived thru this ordeal without my loving support system especially my husband Gary. He continues, day in and day out, to be there for me and carry the weight of all the house chores and duties while I'm leisurly munching on a sandwich, watching tv, with my feet up! Until my next post....signing off with my left foot!

Just what the doctor ordered

I'm on my 4th week of rest after my car accident. I have to admit that for someone who is always on the go and in control-I have had to really take a step back and let go and let others take care of me and stay still and quiet. This is no easy feat for me as many who know me would attest to! have learned to stay still, quiet, read and reflect on life and the miraculous things that God is doing within my body in order to repair and restore it to its original glory! The human body is an amazing thing-i have come to truly appreciate it more now and will always from now on! So I had my follow up appt w my surgeon and he said the surgery was successful. He told me that I had a really bad break(I guess in more ways than one!They removed my staples and cleaned my wounds and re-casted my leg-less heavy than former cast but very tight. Pain still very severe. Doc said another 4wks of complete rest and then have to go back for follow up. If all goes well, physio can commence. One more surgery tho to remove large screw in a couple of months. So still standing emotionally, physically still on couch and spiritually more empowered than ever that there is a good reason why I am here and that my guardian angels do truly exist!

A busy day for somone who sits on a couch all day

Today was a crazy day for a poor girl and her broken ankle sitting on a couch. I had my visit from the occupational therapist who conducted a 3hr assessment on me. From what gather this type of therapistfigures out how you are living now, how you were living before and how the heck do you get back to the life you want-highly complicated. The interview was draining. After she left-a visit from a mobile hairstylist was well overdue. It's amazing what people you discover when bored nd surfing on the net. So low and behold...a lady who would come to wash and blow dry my hair  as I could not anymore with my lovely cast. So after 3wks of no washing-i felt like once again I was part of the civalized world of beauty. My hair was no longer sticking to my head and as my dear friend pointed out that it looked like a bald patch-what would do without good friends? So there was all fluffed and folded and feeling like had a taste of normality again. Shortly after that, had an interview with a potential dog walker for my little beagle Soca. Now remember, Soca hs not technically been walked for 3wks so wasn't sure if my puppy would be on her best beahviour for this walker to take on. Well fortunately after meeting Becky the walker, and after a few crazy barks and howls-the walker said Soca was rambunctious but would take her on! Wow-between my Farah Fawcet do and Soca's return to a walking beagle rather than a stationary sedentary one-i was completely beside myself!  So all in all a good day minus the feeling of my ankle being on fire all day-it was a good day.

Life is unpredictable...

Monday January 23rd, a day to be etched in my memory forever. It was not a typical day.  The past year I had a year of "ME"-having been laid off from my TV promo producing job after 10 years, I decided to take time out and regroup. I had days filled with coffee chats with old friend catch ups, long 10K walks along the lakefront everyday with my chocolate beagle Soca, stess free days with no one to tell me what to do, it was a chance to enjoy my life and truly appreciate time to rest my mind, body and spirit. Once November hit though, got my confidence and mojo back and decided to actively seek work-my husband Gary needless to say was relieved and happy with this decision! As 2012 rang in-employers were starting to call and I was going for interviews. Back to that fateful day....Monday...I had got a new outfit and was ready to conquer the world and this job prospect with all guns loaded. My husband drove me to the interview which went well. I jumped into the car and we were talking about the interview and how our day later on would unfold.  Suddenly from nowhere, a large pick up truck made an illegal left turn as we were going straight and we hit it head on! My car switched direction after and we hit another mini van head on sitting waiting for light to change. Thankfully no one was killed. Smoke came into my car and I grabbed the door handle and attempted to step out for fresh air but realized my right foot did not seem to be connected so I collapsed on the road from shock. I thought my husband had died but there he was asking me if was okay-did I ever say an husband can look like an Angel sometimes? I told him could not move. The ambulance came and separated us as I was rushed to hospital. The paramedic handed my cell phone from my husband so that we could stay in contact. Thank God for cell phones. This was one of the most scariest moments in my life. So the story of Broke Ankle Mountain begins....one broke ankle as I was soon to find what was the end result  and one mountain to climb as I chronicle the days and months ahead of this crazy journey that lies ahead of me. As you read on-just remember each and everyday to hug someone, love someone, help someone and never go to sleep angry-it might just be your last day on earth.....fortunately it wasn't mine so I can keep blogging....